Tuesday, April 12, 2016

...respect goes a long way.

I need to rant for a second. This has been on my mind for a little bit but it really got to me this weekend. What is with some of the guys of my generation and their complete lack of respect? I'm fairly certain your mother did not raise you to be a jerk. I'm an understanding person. I'm kind. Probably to the point of it being more of a flaw than a strong character trait. If you changed your mind or you just decided I wasn't the girl for you, say something. Sure, it will hurt. It will suck to hear that from someone I thought I could like. But you know what hurts more? Completely disappearing. This past weekend I was actually off work. I get one of these a month. I had planned to go see my family but this guy I had recently started a flirtation with (let's call him Blaine) had asked me out. We had been talking all week. It felt promising. He was coming on a bit strong but seemed like a really nice guy. A tad dorky and overzealous and completely the opposite of my "type"... In the past, most of my ex boyfriends tended to be assholes who tell good stories. I was excited to go out with a guy who gave off a vibe that was so far from that kind of guy. The it just stopped. No responses to my text, and he was usually the one to text first. Then I realized he deleted me on tinder and snapchat. Excuse me? Fucking rude. And I cannot for the life of me figure out what happened.

Back when I first ventured out onto tinder, one of my first matches was this really cute, bearded guy we will call Ethan. He was also a retail manager so we instantly bonded. The first time we met, he just randomly showed up at my store with his friends in tow. Little awkward but kind of endearing. He was the first guy I ever met from online dating. I was excited about him. He came to visit me another time at work and we had a really great connection. Unfortunately while we were talking, he experienced a house fire. Our first "date" ended up being a group hang out in a hotel. We played games and his friends seemed to really welcome me into the group. When he walked me to my car, he told he really wanted to see me again. We talked over the course of the next few days and then.... Nothing. He was gone. Never to be heard from again. However, he didn't delete me on tinder and we are still Facebook friends. He had been so nice and respectful the entire time. Beyond baffled. Still baffled.

Fast forward a few months and I had a tinder date with "Devon". We went out with his friends for his birthday. I wasn't initially attracted to him in person but he was hilarious and kept me laughing all night. I let him crash at my house (and to answer the question I know you're asking... Nothing much happened. Kept it PGish). The next morning it was mildly awkward when I drove him to his car but I am not a morning person to begin with and I had known this character for less than 24 hours. Not my brightest moment but hey, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take... And yeah, there were some shots involved the night before. When he got out of the car, we hugged and he told me to call him later. A few hours later, I sent a pretty generic text to feel it out and never got a response. Cool.

I get that probably 75% of the guys on tinder are looking for a hook up. I've been honest with every single one I've started a conversation with. I am not a hook up girl. That is not my style. That is not what I'm after. If these boys stopped calling because I didn't put out, then fine. That's not the kind of guy I want any way. But to just straight up ignore someone is rude. Everyone deserves honesty and closure. Even if you walk away feeling like it was a terrible date and you have no desire to see that person again, at the very least, please just tell them you appreciate them taking time to get to know you better but you just didn't feel a romantic connection. Who can be mad at that? You're making them feel both valued and respected. And that goes such a long way. Worse than feeling angry and hurt, there's this moment of feeling like you weren't enough for someone. No one deserves that. I know it's their loss and I am enough. I am more than enough. However, it would still be nice to have an explanation. Imagine if you had a daughter, how would feel if a guy treated her like this?

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