I'm not sure where to even begin with this guy. I'll have to write about him in two posts because it was like being with two different guys. So we will have the first month and the second month. We shall call this one Dexter. His name is inspired from the fictional tv character that is straight up crazy, leads a double life and truly believes his actions are justifiable. When D first messaged me, I was dating someone else and didn't respond until after that had ended. We had great banter from the beginning. We were seeking the same thing as far as dating was concerned. As it turned out, he very briefly had a texting flirtation with one of my best friends. She warned that he might have some red flags but that I should explore it because I might be a better match for him. They never met up in person. He was up front and honest about it from day one. She was in one of my profile pictures and asked me right away if it would bother me. I realized that it wouldn't because they didn't actually date or even meet for that matter. We talked for nearly two weeks before we finally met. It was like pulling teeth to get him to meet me. He was pretty against online dating, which was confusing since he pursued me first. I understand its not traditional but our paths wouldn't have crossed otherwise. And if you end up with the right person, does it really matter how you met? I was honest with him and told him I wasn't up for a texting relationship. I wanted something real, something tangible, something that would last and if that wasn't something he was ready for, then maybe we should walk away. The first meeting was a tad awkward. He wasn't what I expected. He was just as funny and sarcastic as he was through text and talking on the phone. But he was also much more attractive and way more self-depricating. He told me things about himself that he said he hadn't told any other girls right away, which I took as a good sign for what was happening between us. A few days later, we met up again. This time, we both drank a little too much. But it loosened us up and we talked for hours. We listened to music and danced around his living room. When he first kissed me, my world turned upside down. I have never felt like that before. It swept me off my feet. Things moved a little too quickly that night and I don't regret it but I think we got way too caught up and the alcohol took over.
We got together again the next night but it was awkward af. He refused to drive out to my town, so I drove the 30 minutes to him. For the third time. When I got to his house, he didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. He claimed he was still tired from the night before. I was too but I wanted to spend more time with him. We ended up just snuggling on the couch and watching pawn stars until we both fell asleep. When we talked the next day, turns out crazy didn't even remember Friday night or what happened between us. I knew at that point I should have ran. Two of my exes are alcoholics and I knew the dangers of getting involved with someone who drank too much to the point of forgetting entire nights. But I was caught up in him. I couldn't seem to shake him. Right then, I stopped talking to every other guy. I made myself invisible on the dating site. I jumped in, blindly, with both feet.
The next week, I went out of town for work but we saw each other before I left and talked the entire time I was gone. We had a pretty intense conversation about where this was headed and what we both saw as the end goal. I believed we were on the exact same page. I was giddy and letting myself really care about this guy. I mean, he had his moments when he was insensitive or just a flat out asshole but I accepted it as a part of his humor. He made a few comments about my tattoos and basically called them trashy. He was in constant need of reassurance of why I wanted to be with him. He used my past against me sometimes. I know what you're thinking... Why or even how could I be falling for a guy who could say those things to me? I guess I'm cursed with seeing the good in people. And like I mentioned before, I'm a smart girl until I fall in love. Maybe it was love. Maybe it wasn't. I'm a person with a really open heart and mind and I can easily love people. I've gotten really hurt along the way. But I don't tend to have any regrets. With the way things were moving between us and how he seemed to be reciprocating everything I was feeling, I couldn't find a reason to not let myself fall. The night I got back in town from work, he had bought a new truck so I drove out to him once again. We spent the night driving around, holding hands and talking. I was just content to be there with him. I didn't need anything more. I thought we were headed toward something great. I can't believe how blind I really was.
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