...the pre-screen questions

I'll start off by telling you, I'm a smart girl. Until I fall in love. Then all my rational thoughts and obsessive analytical systems go packing. I give too many chances to people who don't deserve it and I'm far too forgiving. When I first started this journey into online dating, I went about it all wrong. I responded to all the messages I received, I swiped right on anyone who was remotely attractive and I gave out my number way too often. Fast forward 6 months and I've complied a list of questions that desperately need answers to before I agree to a first date. Some of these are basic questions that will weed out the quality guys from the ones posing as such. Others are ones I never in a million years thought I would need to ask. But alas, I've encountered some situations that I thought only existed in romantic comedies. As I move through my dating history, my current situations and my future endeavors, I hope you will figure out which of the guys are the root cause of the questions. Each question is pretty well based on a previous relationship (using that word very loosely here).

Here we go:
1. Do you live in your parents basement?
2. Do you have a job?
3. Do you have a car?
3a.  Is said car equipped with a breathalyzer?
4. Have you been married? (Proceed to 4a and 4b if this a yes)
4a. Do you want to get married again?
4b. Is your divorce finalized?
5. Do you have children?
5a. If so, any baby mama drama?
5b. If no, do you want children?
6. Do you like dogs?
6a. Will you be okay with the fact that my dogs are like my children?
7. Do you have all your teeth?
8. Are you a felon?
9. Have you spent time in a psych ward?

I'm really holding out hope that Mr. Right won't even require the interview guide. But until he decides to show up (maybe he took a wrong turn and is too stubborn to ask for directions?), I will truck on. They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince... But I'll be sure to only kiss the ones with ALL their teeth...