...how awkward.

Beginning in no particular order... We will begin with Dylan (please remember that names have been altered). This began the way it typically does. I swiped right. He swiped right. Match! I don't remember who messaged who first because we have decidedly "unmatched". From his profile pictures, I had gathered that he was seemingly decently attractive, drove a very large truck and is a father. I use to have a rule against dating a man with kids. I love kids. But I could all too easily envision myself falling more in love with the child than the man. However, as I get closer to 30, men my age and slightly older, may be someone's dad. They may even be someone's ex husband or ex fiancé. We started chatting and the conversation was flowing. He seemed very open and honest. We seemed to align on what we were looking for, the type of person we could picture a life with, and our basic values lined up. We decided to the exchange numbers and see if we continued to connect. Eventually we started snapchatting and he looked like his profile picture. He seemed genuinely nice and respectful so when he asked me to dinner, I couldn't find a reason to object. We agreed on a time and place (pretty casual restaurant but I liked the idea of it not being a bar or anywhere too stuffy). As I stood in the front waiting area, I didn't feel nervous. Red flag #1. I'm an inherently anxious person. Before any first meeting, I get shaky hands, sweaty palms and I blush like crazy. I felt nothing at all. Then he walked in. And I just knew it was downhill from there. As the hostess lead us to our table, I could feel his eyes boring into my back. Not to judge a book by its cover but I wasn't looking at the person I expected. His face was like his pictures but he was shorter than I imagined and significantly smaller. Oh camera angles and how they deceive. We place our drink orders, the waitress walks away, and it's just complete and utter silence. All the while, I can feel my phone in my purse blowing up. All I wanted to do was check it. To shift my attention away from this already awkward date. And we are 5 minutes in. He's starts talking. Low, even, slow voice. I'm starting to understand what "small town" really meant. He keeps talking with his elbows propped up on the table and his hands somewhat covering his face. Little strange, but we all have quirks. He starts to talk about his kids. He has three, ranging in age from 2-10. He had told me he was married before and I had assumed that his three children were the product of that marriage. Assumption was very wrong. Three children by three different women. And so much baby mama drama. Red flag #2. The waitress then comes back with our drinks and I welcome the chance to gulp down half my water and figure out how I can get myself through this. I look up and notice something I didn't notice before. Maybe because he kept his hands in front of his face... Homeboy is missing half of his teeth! I shit you not. I have always prided myself on not being a judgmental person but I can't. I just cannot. Dinner continues on... He talks about work and how he left a management position for a pay cut and step down (red flag #3) and how he doesn't get to see his kids very much anymore (red flag #4). I continue to make small talk and then politely excuse myself to check my phone, claiming work had been crazy and my employees may be trying to reach me. I remind him that I've been working allll day and my pups need to run. So we wrap it up. He walks me to car, leans in for a hug and tells me he would really love to do this again. I awkwardly laugh and shrug and bustle myself into my car. I drive myself home in this weird state of shock from being blindsided and very uneasy from hands down the most awkward date I've ever been on. By time I made it home, it was 9:15. On a Saturday night. Then he starts texting. And I pulled the bitch card and did not respond. Until I remembered I had a heart and the next day, politely declined a second date. I thanked him for being a perfect gentleman and wished him luck in the dating world.

Part of me wanted to give up. Throw in the hat and go back to trying to meet someone organically. Because at least then I meet them in person from the get go. But when you're a retail manager for a women's shop, single men are far and few between. Typically, they are making freight deliveries or dropping off my lunch because I, again, forgot to pack one. But I won't give up. I'll keep pushing. I won't let my faith in love be shaken. Just another toad on my road to my Prince Charming. Fingers crossed he has perfect teeth.