...respect goes a long way.

I need to rant for a second. This has been on my mind for a little bit but it really got to me this weekend. What is with some of the guys of my generation and their complete lack of respect? I'm fairly certain your mother did not raise you to be a jerk. I'm an understanding person. I'm kind. Probably to the point of it being more of a flaw than a strong character trait. If you changed your mind or you just decided I wasn't the girl for you, say something. Sure, it will hurt. It will suck to hear that from someone I thought I could like. But you know what hurts more? Completely disappearing. This past weekend I was actually off work. I get one of these a month. I had planned to go see my family but this guy I had recently started a flirtation with (let's call him Blaine) had asked me out. We had been talking all week. It felt promising. He was coming on a bit strong but seemed like a really nice guy. A tad dorky and overzealous and completely the opposite of my "type"... In the past, most of my ex boyfriends tended to be assholes who tell good stories. I was excited to go out with a guy who gave off a vibe that was so far from that kind of guy. The it just stopped. No responses to my text, and he was usually the one to text first. Then I realized he deleted me on tinder and snapchat. Excuse me? Fucking rude. And I cannot for the life of me figure out what happened.

Back when I first ventured out onto tinder, one of my first matches was this really cute, bearded guy we will call Ethan. He was also a retail manager so we instantly bonded. The first time we met, he just randomly showed up at my store with his friends in tow. Little awkward but kind of endearing. He was the first guy I ever met from online dating. I was excited about him. He came to visit me another time at work and we had a really great connection. Unfortunately while we were talking, he experienced a house fire. Our first "date" ended up being a group hang out in a hotel. We played games and his friends seemed to really welcome me into the group. When he walked me to my car, he told he really wanted to see me again. We talked over the course of the next few days and then.... Nothing. He was gone. Never to be heard from again. However, he didn't delete me on tinder and we are still Facebook friends. He had been so nice and respectful the entire time. Beyond baffled. Still baffled.

Fast forward a few months and I had a tinder date with "Devon". We went out with his friends for his birthday. I wasn't initially attracted to him in person but he was hilarious and kept me laughing all night. I let him crash at my house (and to answer the question I know you're asking... Nothing much happened. Kept it PGish). The next morning it was mildly awkward when I drove him to his car but I am not a morning person to begin with and I had known this character for less than 24 hours. Not my brightest moment but hey, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take... And yeah, there were some shots involved the night before. When he got out of the car, we hugged and he told me to call him later. A few hours later, I sent a pretty generic text to feel it out and never got a response. Cool.

I get that probably 75% of the guys on tinder are looking for a hook up. I've been honest with every single one I've started a conversation with. I am not a hook up girl. That is not my style. That is not what I'm after. If these boys stopped calling because I didn't put out, then fine. That's not the kind of guy I want any way. But to just straight up ignore someone is rude. Everyone deserves honesty and closure. Even if you walk away feeling like it was a terrible date and you have no desire to see that person again, at the very least, please just tell them you appreciate them taking time to get to know you better but you just didn't feel a romantic connection. Who can be mad at that? You're making them feel both valued and respected. And that goes such a long way. Worse than feeling angry and hurt, there's this moment of feeling like you weren't enough for someone. No one deserves that. I know it's their loss and I am enough. I am more than enough. However, it would still be nice to have an explanation. Imagine if you had a daughter, how would feel if a guy treated her like this?

...how falling feels (Dexter part 1)

I'm not sure where to even begin with this guy. I'll have to write about him in two posts because it was like being with two different guys. So we will have the first month and the second month. We shall call this one Dexter. His name is inspired from the fictional tv character that is straight up crazy, leads a double life and truly believes his actions are justifiable. When D first messaged me, I was dating someone else and didn't respond until after that had ended. We had great banter from the beginning. We were seeking the same thing as far as dating was concerned. As it turned out, he very briefly had a texting flirtation with one of my best friends. She warned that he might have some red flags but that I should explore it because I might be a better match for him. They never met up in person. He was up front and honest about it from day one. She was in one of my profile pictures and asked me right away if it would bother me. I realized that it wouldn't because they didn't actually date or even meet for that matter. We talked for nearly two weeks before we finally met. It was like pulling teeth to get him to meet me. He was pretty against online dating, which was confusing since he pursued me first. I understand its not traditional but our paths wouldn't have crossed otherwise. And if you end up with the right person, does it really matter how you met? I was honest with him and told him I wasn't up for a texting relationship. I wanted something real, something tangible, something that would last and if that wasn't something he was ready for, then maybe we should walk away.  The first meeting was a tad awkward. He wasn't what I expected. He was just as funny and sarcastic as he was through text and talking on the phone. But he was also much more attractive and way more self-depricating. He told me things about himself that he said he hadn't told any other girls right away, which I took as a good sign for what was happening between us. A few days later, we met up again. This time, we both drank a little too much. But it loosened us up and we talked for hours. We listened to music and danced around his living room. When he first kissed me, my world turned upside down. I have never felt like that before. It swept me off my feet. Things moved a little too quickly that night and I don't regret it but I think we got way too caught up and the alcohol took over.

We got together again the next night but it was awkward af. He refused to drive out to my town, so I drove the 30 minutes to him. For the third time. When I got to his house, he didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. He claimed he was still tired from the night before. I was too but I wanted to spend more time with him. We ended up just snuggling on the couch and watching pawn stars until we both fell asleep. When we talked the next day, turns out crazy didn't even remember Friday night or what happened between us. I knew at that point I should have ran. Two of my exes are alcoholics and I knew the dangers of getting involved with someone who drank too much to the point of forgetting entire nights. But I was caught up in him. I couldn't seem to shake him. Right then, I stopped talking to every other guy. I made myself invisible on the dating site. I jumped in, blindly, with both feet.

The next week, I went out of town for work but we saw each other before I left and talked the entire time I was gone. We had a pretty intense conversation about where this was headed and what we both saw as the end goal. I believed we were on the exact same page. I was giddy and letting myself really care about this guy. I mean, he had his moments when he was insensitive or just a flat out asshole but I accepted it as a part of his humor. He made a few comments about my tattoos and basically called them trashy. He was in constant need of reassurance of why I wanted to be with him. He used my past against me sometimes. I know what you're thinking... Why or even how could I be falling for a guy who could say those things to me? I guess I'm cursed with seeing the good in people. And like I mentioned before, I'm a smart girl until I fall in love. Maybe it was love. Maybe it wasn't. I'm a person with a really open heart and mind and I can easily love people. I've gotten really hurt along the way. But I don't tend to have any regrets. With the way things were moving between us and how he seemed to be reciprocating everything I was feeling, I couldn't find a reason to not let myself fall. The night I got back in town from work, he had bought a new truck so I drove out to him once again. We spent the night driving around, holding hands and talking. I was just content to be there with him. I didn't need anything more. I thought we were headed toward something great. I can't believe how blind I really was.

...little too far away

Not too long ago I went out for drinks with this really charming, awesome guy that we will call Jake. I'm not sure where my confidence came from but I initiated this date. We really hit it off. We had so many things in common from our dogs to hobbies. He was so funny and intelligent. A foodie at heart and beer lover, there wasn't anything I was learning about this guy that I didn't like. He seemed captured by everything I was saying and I felt like he was someone I could really open up to. Our values and goals in life perfectly aligned. He was exactly the type of guy a girl could build a life with, sensible, stable, caring, honest, funny.... So you're probably sitting there thinking why the heck didn't this work out? It should have. It could have. Except for the fact that he lives two hours away. He was in town for the day to see his family.  I believe long distance can work. I truly think if you have a genuine connection with someone and both  parties are devoted to making it work, then you can work through just about anything. But in our case... There were a lot of mountains. As I've mentioned, I'm a retail manager which means weekends, late shifts, and unsteady schedules. He's a restaurant manager which means weekends, even later nights and unsteady schedules. As he walked me to my car, kissed me sweetly before sending me on my way, I knew that it was a bad case of right guy, wrong time. Maybe someday I'll cross paths with him or I'll find myself in his city soon. It gave me hope though. That somewhere out there is this is guy who easily checks off all the boxes of my ever growing list of qualities. Maybe there's a greater plan at work here. But I'll always have a fond memory of a funny, charming bearded man with glasses who renewed my faith in the search.

...20 reasons why dating sucks

1. Sometimes you get stood up
2. Sometimes they just stop calling. No explanation. No response.
3. Douchebags. So many douchebags.
4. You're not always on the same page. You can have a very direct conversation about what you want and somehow you still end feeling like you're reading completely different books.
5. You like him. He likes her more.
6. Never knowing if he's being honest. It's bound to happen that he's just going to tell you what he wants to hear to get to his end goal. Sometimes that end goal is just get in your pants.
7. Netflix and chill. Honestly, sometimes, I just want to Netflix and chill, none of that hidden meaning. Like life is rough and sometimes I don't want to get pretty.
8. Always having to shave my legs. You never know how the night might end. Let's be honest.
9. Sometimes it moves too slow and I find myself wondering if he's actually attracted to me at all.
10. Sometimes it moves too fast and I find myself wondering if he actually even likes me for me.
11. Conflicting work schedules. I work retail, not always the most steady schedule and I work weekends.
12. When "exclusive" doesn't mean shit.
13. Dick pics.
14. Texting relationships that never make it to a real life date.
15. You have a great connection through talking and texting then it's nothing but awkward silence at dinner.
16. It never makes it to a real date, you just got stuck in that weird limbo of hanging out. What does that even mean? Are we more than friends?
17. Sometimes, no matter how much effort you put in or how much you do like each other, there's a missing piece and you can't fit a square peg in a round hole.
18. If he's recently out of a relationship, you may be the rebound girl. And the ex may decide she wants him back and you can't compete with some pasts.
19. He could be straight up, legit crazy pants.
20. He shows up and he looks absolutely nothing like the pictures you so carefully stalked. Like seriously, how recent were those???

...how awkward.

Beginning in no particular order... We will begin with Dylan (please remember that names have been altered). This began the way it typically does. I swiped right. He swiped right. Match! I don't remember who messaged who first because we have decidedly "unmatched". From his profile pictures, I had gathered that he was seemingly decently attractive, drove a very large truck and is a father. I use to have a rule against dating a man with kids. I love kids. But I could all too easily envision myself falling more in love with the child than the man. However, as I get closer to 30, men my age and slightly older, may be someone's dad. They may even be someone's ex husband or ex fiancé. We started chatting and the conversation was flowing. He seemed very open and honest. We seemed to align on what we were looking for, the type of person we could picture a life with, and our basic values lined up. We decided to the exchange numbers and see if we continued to connect. Eventually we started snapchatting and he looked like his profile picture. He seemed genuinely nice and respectful so when he asked me to dinner, I couldn't find a reason to object. We agreed on a time and place (pretty casual restaurant but I liked the idea of it not being a bar or anywhere too stuffy). As I stood in the front waiting area, I didn't feel nervous. Red flag #1. I'm an inherently anxious person. Before any first meeting, I get shaky hands, sweaty palms and I blush like crazy. I felt nothing at all. Then he walked in. And I just knew it was downhill from there. As the hostess lead us to our table, I could feel his eyes boring into my back. Not to judge a book by its cover but I wasn't looking at the person I expected. His face was like his pictures but he was shorter than I imagined and significantly smaller. Oh camera angles and how they deceive. We place our drink orders, the waitress walks away, and it's just complete and utter silence. All the while, I can feel my phone in my purse blowing up. All I wanted to do was check it. To shift my attention away from this already awkward date. And we are 5 minutes in. He's starts talking. Low, even, slow voice. I'm starting to understand what "small town" really meant. He keeps talking with his elbows propped up on the table and his hands somewhat covering his face. Little strange, but we all have quirks. He starts to talk about his kids. He has three, ranging in age from 2-10. He had told me he was married before and I had assumed that his three children were the product of that marriage. Assumption was very wrong. Three children by three different women. And so much baby mama drama. Red flag #2. The waitress then comes back with our drinks and I welcome the chance to gulp down half my water and figure out how I can get myself through this. I look up and notice something I didn't notice before. Maybe because he kept his hands in front of his face... Homeboy is missing half of his teeth! I shit you not. I have always prided myself on not being a judgmental person but I can't. I just cannot. Dinner continues on... He talks about work and how he left a management position for a pay cut and step down (red flag #3) and how he doesn't get to see his kids very much anymore (red flag #4). I continue to make small talk and then politely excuse myself to check my phone, claiming work had been crazy and my employees may be trying to reach me. I remind him that I've been working allll day and my pups need to run. So we wrap it up. He walks me to car, leans in for a hug and tells me he would really love to do this again. I awkwardly laugh and shrug and bustle myself into my car. I drive myself home in this weird state of shock from being blindsided and very uneasy from hands down the most awkward date I've ever been on. By time I made it home, it was 9:15. On a Saturday night. Then he starts texting. And I pulled the bitch card and did not respond. Until I remembered I had a heart and the next day, politely declined a second date. I thanked him for being a perfect gentleman and wished him luck in the dating world.

Part of me wanted to give up. Throw in the hat and go back to trying to meet someone organically. Because at least then I meet them in person from the get go. But when you're a retail manager for a women's shop, single men are far and few between. Typically, they are making freight deliveries or dropping off my lunch because I, again, forgot to pack one. But I won't give up. I'll keep pushing. I won't let my faith in love be shaken. Just another toad on my road to my Prince Charming. Fingers crossed he has perfect teeth.

...the pre-screen questions

I'll start off by telling you, I'm a smart girl. Until I fall in love. Then all my rational thoughts and obsessive analytical systems go packing. I give too many chances to people who don't deserve it and I'm far too forgiving. When I first started this journey into online dating, I went about it all wrong. I responded to all the messages I received, I swiped right on anyone who was remotely attractive and I gave out my number way too often. Fast forward 6 months and I've complied a list of questions that desperately need answers to before I agree to a first date. Some of these are basic questions that will weed out the quality guys from the ones posing as such. Others are ones I never in a million years thought I would need to ask. But alas, I've encountered some situations that I thought only existed in romantic comedies. As I move through my dating history, my current situations and my future endeavors, I hope you will figure out which of the guys are the root cause of the questions. Each question is pretty well based on a previous relationship (using that word very loosely here).

Here we go:
1. Do you live in your parents basement?
2. Do you have a job?
3. Do you have a car?
3a.  Is said car equipped with a breathalyzer?
4. Have you been married? (Proceed to 4a and 4b if this a yes)
4a. Do you want to get married again?
4b. Is your divorce finalized?
5. Do you have children?
5a. If so, any baby mama drama?
5b. If no, do you want children?
6. Do you like dogs?
6a. Will you be okay with the fact that my dogs are like my children?
7. Do you have all your teeth?
8. Are you a felon?
9. Have you spent time in a psych ward?

I'm really holding out hope that Mr. Right won't even require the interview guide. But until he decides to show up (maybe he took a wrong turn and is too stubborn to ask for directions?), I will truck on. They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince... But I'll be sure to only kiss the ones with ALL their teeth...

...and so the adventure begins

Dating is tough. Most days it sucks. Weeding through profiles, answering all those boring questions that lead you to decide if you want to actually sit through a dinner with a person and then navigating the waters of being "non exclusive". It's downright exhausting. It's almost like a second job and I'm already a workaholic that can't leave work at work. These are my adventures in the dating world. I'm a 20-something who lives in a college town full of boys who won't grow up, drink too much and don't want to settle down. I will share it all. The good, the bad, the ugly. Names have been changed to protect the not-so innocent. If you wanted me to write of you fondly, you should have behaved better.

These are the dating adventures of Miss Love (yes, that's really my last name. And yes, I see the irony all too well).